📁 05-26

Then listen to psychotic people.

Seriously. Headphones everywhere.

I feel like a bunch of spoiled rotten people are trying to control me from the inside out. Fuck that shit. And I don’t need special treatment nor do I need to be rewarded for doing my job. I’m far too wild for this shit to work. Edit at 3:20am because of moronic intrusive voices.

I had a tough time with eye contact before working and living in Palm Beach & Broward Counties (2007-2009). Now it’s worse. It’s nothing personal. Much like my avoidance of talking to people in public. Thirty years of protein folding (my brain) has solidified my persona. I am who I’ll always be. There’s no changing the mind of someone like that. One can’t change the inner rings of a tree without killing the tree. You know?

🔗 Treebeard is fucking cool.

Even if I had a nice smile I’d be the same awkward dude. The best I can hope for is to shake off the nagging non-family ‘voices’, and continue living my life. Not being able to ‘recharge my batteries’ when I’m out of the ‘public eye’ is something that is holding me back. I’ll work on that.

My ideal Halloween is to leave a candy bowl out and go to the movies or something like that. I don’t like parties anymore 🤷

There will always be damned people messing with my social media. It’s fine. Damned people do damned things. That’ll never change.

🔗 🐻

Been off cannabis for a few weeks now. My asthmatic lungs and coughing wallet are thanking me. Might have to do without. Moderate doses of Magnesium/Selenium helps. More horizontal time helps too (⚾ + 🏒).

GI Joe time. Wealth redistribution is not my thing 🤷

My personal leverage in the social world was lost in the Myspace days. Feel like I’ve been spinning my wheels ever since. I miss being around people, but I don’t remember how to do that anymore. It’s like dozens of voices are tearing my apart on the inside, and there’s nothing I can do about it. It gets worse every time I do something outside the house.

“Blah, blah, blah, blah, Mommmmy.” Sounds like a dude that wants his jaw wired shut. Fucking loser.

That’s not what is keeping me from leaving the house. Though, it is what is keeping me up at night. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being haunted by a child molester. I just can’t fucking breathe sometimes. Some of us don’t need ’that fire’; I just need space from all these unnecessarily intrusive thoughts. And yeah, I do think child molesters should be euthanized.

Some people are just intrusive by nature. Nothing can be done of it aside from psychiatric care and medicine. I know why I was randomly screwing up on my work. This BS is costing me money.

So ah, the violence welling up in my mind needs an outlet. Violent video games is the only way I can escape the molestation like feeling. I’ve had to do that off and on for as long as I lived in Florida. Unfortunately, euthanizing random people is illegal, and can also potentially be exploited in the future to take out dissidents.

I’m dead to Florida anyway. I’m agnostic and I don’t like Donald Trump. I’ll have to move out of state to get a job and healthcare.

I also miss the crisp air of the North. One day I’ll move there, but that day is not today. It’s silly to think how much I miss middle school. Vibing at lunch while playing Magic The Gathering were the best days of my life. Back when I didn’t think intrusive voices were going to burn holes in my brain. It just makes me insanely violent on the inside. Like someone is trying to take control of something they don’t understand.

Though they keep trying. Might have a learning problem 🤷

I may have grabbed stuff from the trash as a kid, but at least I don’t act like I lived in dumpsters. You know?

I really wish I was making this shit up. Going around and taking out Cyberpunk 2077 🔗Maelstrom wanted for homicide helps. Very much. Similar minded individuals. Might be using a 2.4 GHz band signal jammer too. Microwave doesn’t get used THAT much. Feds might not like that. Who knows TBH. Without the digital footprints, there’s no telling what is being bought and sold.

Why do folks need a reminder to live, love, and laugh?

Grandpa was a rigger for the Seabees, and other Grandpa went to Hawaii to ’test gliders’. Both WW2. You’re up against a lot of fighting spirit my ‘friend’

I grew up as an asthmatic. I’m use to being deprived of oxygen. I’ll be fine. I’m not lonely enough to kick it with evil.

Damn ambition ruiners are hard to shake off. Keep trying to, ’take a break’ from this website. SHUT UP BRAIN. FUCK OFF BRAIN.