📁 05-26

Then listen to psychotic people.

Seriously. Headphones everywhere.

I feel like a bunch of spoiled rotten people are trying to control me from the inside out. Fuck that shit. And I don’t need special treatment nor do I need to be rewarded for doing my job. I’m far too wild for this shit to work. Edit at 3:20am because of moronic intrusive voices.

I had a tough time with eye contact before working and living in Palm Beach & Broward Counties (2007-2009). Now it’s worse. It’s nothing personal. Much like my avoidance of talking to people in public. Thirty years of protein folding (my brain) has solidified my persona. I am who I’ll always be. There’s no changing the mind of someone like that. One can’t change the inner rings of a tree without killing the tree. You know?

🔗 Treebeard is fucking cool.

Even if I had a nice smile I’d be the same awkward dude. The best I can hope for is to shake off the nagging non-family ‘voices’, and continue living my life. Not being able to ‘recharge my batteries’ when I’m out of the ‘public eye’ is something that is holding me back. I’ll work on that.

My ideal Halloween is to leave a candy bowl out and go to the movies or something like that. I don’t like parties anymore 🤷

There will always be damned people messing with my social media. It’s fine. Damned people do damned things. That’ll never change.

🔗 🐻

Been off cannabis for a few weeks now. My asthmatic lungs and coughing wallet are thanking me. Might have to do without. Moderate doses of Magnesium/Selenium helps. More horizontal time helps too (⚾ + 🏒).

GI Joe time. Wealth redistribution is not my thing 🤷

My personal leverage in the social world was lost in the Myspace days. Feel like I’ve been spinning my wheels ever since. I miss being around people, but I don’t remember how to do that anymore. It’s like dozens of voices are tearing my apart on the inside, and there’s nothing I can do about it. It gets worse every time I do something outside the house. The level of micro management someone is trying to achieve is just smothering. Like a snake around my lungs, tightening every time I breath out. Like I said in my X/Twitter post, she’s gonna need ice cream soon. Time to move on. I imagine she has a lot of dudes in her head to make up for the lack of a father figure in her life.

Less funny. All she makes me feel is that my family will be in danger if I submit to her 🔗 demands to take any social posts down. You’ll have to just kil me. I’ll never put my family in harm’s way.

Deploying ye ole 🔗C64 music. Just hours of the stuff. Can’t sing-a-long to the chorus if there is no chorus, now can you? Hint for those dealing with extreme desperation.

It’s VERY effective.

I’m on the PC all the time because I’m bearish about friendship and relationships (basically everything). I don’t experience FOMO. I don’t ‘miss out’. I could care less how much ‘fun’ you’re having at any given time. If you let people like me be, then there’s no trouble. People like me just want to ‘sit around’ and earn a quiet living doing something they love to do. And people like me don’t feel ‘depression’, ‘boredom’, ’loneliness’, or pain the same way as normal people do. You’re not ‘helping’ any ‘feel’ like their life has ‘meaning’. You’re just being an idiot little brother and or sister. If your boyfriend is giving you trouble, just punch him in the face. Teach him a lesson that’ll last a few weeks. Maybe he’ll leave you alone for good. Judging by his whiny nature, the police will take your side on the matter.

Bearish as in I can no longer recall the first names of the posers that ratted us out as non-UF students at the UF skate park (2002)

Also: 🔗The Epic Commodore C64 SID Collection - 11 hours of C64 Music 🤘

Keeping up with the Jetsons is boring and unimaginative

It’s impossible for me to guess why my social posts do good or don’t. I’ll never understand the purpose or meaning. Independence is all I know. I need employment in which I don’t have to take suggestions from the audience. I’ll never know if they’re paid to mess with someone else with their suggestions. People are just awful. It could be someone using 100+ accounts to watch the video, skip it, so the algorithm doesn’t even touch it 🤷. 🔗 Yep, ‘he’ even uses those accounts to take down comments (8:35pm). I’m glad I finally got something to back up my social media meddling claim (07/05/26).

So awful, that I have to wait until K-12 grades are back in school to go to the open-to-the-public skate park or fishing

I’ll be sure to be there and gone before most people start their work day. I’m not that great, but I’ll be sure to document the not-greatness

I don’t want to write in this blog anymore. I’ve been editing this dang post since May :/. Go home.