📁 10-23

If you spot ‘I mean’ being used ironically by people that have never attempted to play video games with European types it might have seemed somewhat odd. Shortening words and phrasing to be easily digestible for those with English as a second language might seem tedious and cumbersome, but it can be very beneficial to teams that take on people with a temporarily limited English vocabulary. According to 🔗 Urban Dictionary, I mean can be pithy, but is usually just an exasperated way of dealing with what life throws at ya. I mean, here I am, writing in this blog right? Anyway, if someone has a problem with ‘i mean’, maybe suggest the nearest place where they can replace their very fine Oxford shoes. Maybe that’s what is making them so irritable.

Maybe it’s all those fish and chips I’ve been hearing so much about .. lately.

And seriously, if these ‘I hate I mean’ types give you trouble for how your game character looks, they’re just stuck in a mindset that would take a tragedy to break out of. And even that is not a guarantee. “Why me all the time” types might never learn from their own mistakes. Which is sort of heartbreaking, but that’s just how it is sometimes.

I’m not changing the physical attributes of my IG characters. Those features I spent IRL money on mean a lot to me.

I will never be a statically minded person, because there’s always room for mental growth. Some people see this as a weakness, and that too is somewhat heartbreaking. This is why I tend to say the phrase or idiom: so it goes.

This is the way. It is what it is. Them’s the breaks. That’s how the world works. It’s a dog eat dog world out there.

Shout out to the people that took the time to write me back. I know I haven’t been as emotionally available as others, and it meant a lot to me to just have a conversation with you all. Even though I’m captain awkward conversation man.

Seriously, it meant a lot during trying times. Thank you for the boiled egg too.

Although I’ve built this website from a template created by someone else, I’d like to think that I took a prefabricated home and made it my own. Or maybe it’s a 3D printed home; I’m not too sure on the specifications tbh.

By a 3D printed home, I mean (lol) concrete composite homes that are uninhabitable because building codes take eons to update.

And oh boy do video games look pretty in 4K. Didn’t think the Quadro P620 paired with a i7-4770 would be enough for games developed with 2004ish graphics (lol). Honestly, it’s worth it to see colors outside the 80% sRGB range. Not to mention just being able to load a game without needing to drop down to 1080p resolution is neat as well. Something with a few more PCIE lanes, capture card, and 64GB-128GB RAM would be pretty sweet. Ten years of online PC gaming as a real boy and I’m thinking an actual gaming PC might be a worthwhile investment. I’ve been meaning to get back into 3D rendering and design, so maybe this will cause a cascade of adventuring. Sure does make those “can’t sleep” MMORPG grind sessions a lot smoother.

MMORPG grind sessions of me hopping around like a bunny because someone else noticed they can bypass the character loot animation saving 1 second of time per mob loot by jumping as they loot. I can do it for hours at a time because ADHD.

I haven’t dug into the details as to why Jellyfin began dumping 20G+ of data into the $HOME/.config/jellyfin/config/transcode folder. Probably time to upgrade the main SSD beyond 512G. I was watching Ant-Man and a popup appeared telling me that I was running out of storage space. Probably should have Nextcloud on a third SSD. I assumed setting aside a 120GB chunk would be enough to automatically backup all photos and videos from my phone. Two years later and I’m using Nextcloud with rsync for $USER space backup. I also use it to backup offline git repos, and everything I compile from source, etc. So yea, whoops.

duhome="du -h --threshold=20M --exclude /mnt/Storage > storage.txt && vim storage.txt"

That’s the Bash alias I use to isolate run-away storage issues. For anyone curious.

Like I’ve said several times before, I have no idea what the traffic is like on this website or these side quest blogs. Imgur use to track views to gifs linked on external pages, but that no longer seems to be the case. I WILL NOT implement Google tracking on this site. If I could get away with it, I’d avoid Javascript altogether for faster page loads. Regardless, thank you for reading, and I hope I’ve condensed my words down in a way that makes reading this blog pleasant.

Dude, where’s you analytics dude?

Also added a disclaimer on the index page of this site. I barely drink anymore, partly because I prefer CBG/CBD/THC. To be completely honest, one of my deepest fears is vertigo. Beyond the tipsy point really messes with my balance, which in turn dings my self confidence. So yea, I’ll continue to talk about substance abuse and use; though I’ll do it in a way that makes it all sound most uncool. Just in case some youngsters make their way into this blog. IT’S PAST YOUR BEDTIME (probably)!

HE’S TAKING PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS! DIE! DIE! DIE!

Navy brat signing out ftm.

Since this blog is all about me feeling that I really have nothing to lose anymore, I may as well talk about what it was like to live out of a car in Florida for a few months. To be clear, I’m not proud of any of this. I was just dealing with life in the only way I knew how.

The summer of 2009 in South Florida was slightly breezy, but mostly hot. My mobile journey started with a dip in the hot tub of the apartment complex I was evicted from. May as well enjoy a little creature comfort before whatever comes next.

I placed as much of my stuff into my car as I could, which at first meant I couldn’t recline the drivers seat. Palm Beach county was not kind to those sleeping in Walmart parking lots, so after a few days, I had to relocate to the parking lot of the central Walmart of Pompano Beach. This was shortly after being asked “Have you ever been arrested before?” because I made the grave mistake of falling asleep near a public porta-potty. I rented a motel room once a week to shower and stretch me legs. I think I was ‘on the lamb’ for a week before I got rid of my record collection so that I could recline the drivers seat. This was also when I remembered that my father taught me how to roll my clothes. Which was important in preventing wrinkles.

I may have been mistaken, but I thought the trick to living out of your car was to drive until sundown, and find a place to sleep. So that’s what I did. I drove from the time I got off (7pm), until sundown. Putting way too much wear on my Honda hatchback with 300K+ miles. Another trick I was so sure of was to keep a food that won’t spoil easily in the heat. Dry roasted peanuts for the win right? At least that kept my bowels on a schedule to avoid going into Walmart as much as possible. What I didn’t realize was that the salt and the heat was a bad combination.

Summer in Florida is also the rainy season. Did I mention the car did not have working air conditioning? Converting the A/C system from R22 to R134 kind of slipped my mind during a relationship breakup, and me feeling stranded in a city with very few friends. My second year in a motorist’s metropolis and I’m sleeping with the windows rolled down in the back of a Walmart parking lot. One stormy night in particular comes to mind. I decided that I needed to roll the windows up, because my stuff was getting wet. Save the stuff at all costs right? Even if it’s raining, and breezy, a person generates a lot of heat. And with the windows rolled up, there’s no place for that heat to expel. Obviously it was hot and humid, but I thought about the rain causing mold and other issues, so I thought I’d risk falling asleep with a little discomfort. After a while I stopped sweating. That was my first warning sign. I experienced that several times as an HVAC mechanic, so I should have known better. My breathing was slowing and so was my comprehension of the situation. My eyes closed, and that’s when my mind told me to roll down the windows. A quick burst of strength returned when I realized that if I fall asleep, I might never wake up. After that, I only had one incident that resulted from me sleeping with the windows rolled down. All I could assess the next morning was that a stream of liquid went over the window, over my seat-belt, on my lap, and on the seat. At least, this is what I noticed when I woke up. Whatever it was filled the car with the smell of ammonia. Adding to the weekly stink of saving money by not renting a hotel room everyday for $50 a night. One bottle of Febreze later and queue the chemical smell headaches.

At first I thought the only people that would talk to me would be the police. I have a hard time thinking I was truly homeless after one person stopped by to talk about picking out the right cardboard box. That conversation was cool, so I was more relaxed for the next conversation. Unfortunately, I said too much. I’m not sure if the person I was talking to was evaluating a mark or not, so I left that parking lot never to return. There was too much of the old neighborhood in my mind to feel safe staying at the parking lot. After all, this was within the time frame of hearing a gun shot ring out as I switched my clothes from a washing machine to a drying machine off the corner of Powerline and Sample. That was a tiny strip mall, and a very loud gun. I think the crime tape was only up for a day; probably an open and shut case.

So, that wasn’t all. I had found a studio apartment for rent for $650/month, but I was a little short on the deposit. This was also during a time when I was very impulsive with my money, smoked cigarettes, and planning for the future meant thinking about what I’ll do on my next day off. If I remember correctly, I’d rent a motel room on my days off. Instead of finding another retail parking lot, I actually slept at the parking lot of where I worked. Maybe for a few weeks. I’d change my clothes everyday in the drivers seat with a towel draped over my legs. Which wasn’t awkward until I was near my co-workers. I tried to keep it all quiet, so no one would know, though I think they figured it out when I started smelling after the first week.

So when I say I can sleep anywhere, and that sleeping on a yoga mat on a tile floor was like finding a slice of heaven, this is kind of what I mean. Oh, and I read a bunch of books to pass the time.

I’m starting a petition to rename all vegetarian chicken to Chim’kn. Just cuz

To be honest, I prefer Commander Keen via Magic DOS and a Razer Kishi controller.

GASP!

Computer was down from last night till 4pm today as I hammered away fixing GRUB. It was caused by an honest effort to tidy up a laminated sandwich of partitions. I was within working hours from 8am to 4pm, which is a first for me. Also a first for attempting to fix EFI GRUB. Dozens of successful attempts fixing BIOS GRUB. I would include a link to the notes, but there are none. My solution was to install Kubuntu alongside Kubuntu because I knew the installer would create a GRUB partition detected by the system. Some drive space gained, as well as my sanity.

How many chroot attempts are too many? Asking for a friend..

Over ten years of Linux experience that has amounted to not much other than knowing how to operate and fix a Linux system.

I used the title specifically because methods are used in writing code, and I’ll probably forget the name of the method by the time I publish this blog post. All desire to write C++ as a teenager were wiped clean when I saw the mathematical attunement required for a Computer Science degree. They would have shunted me into the graphics or writing department anyway (lol).

🔗 John Carmack and 🔗 Quake. I knew I needed to know C++ to make a truly unique Quake mod (1999), but that was about it.

And please don’t fear that I’ll muck up Linux podcasting. I have no intention of being anywhere I don’t belong. This also goes for creating a project worthy of its own Github.

Open Source role model I am not.

There are so many brighter and more skilled people offering up their free time for Open Source it just doesn’t make sense for someone like myself to jump in. Maybe if I was twenty years younger, and more enthusiastic about methods and the social constructs that form around these projects.

Sudo ./constructing_my_own_sandwiches.sh

Even this website is redundant. I realized at the beginning that it would lead to a financial dead end, and yet here I am, writing all these words.

So many words tho

“He doesn’t take this seriously.” I am product of my environment, which doesn’t take itself seriously.

White chocolate product. But like, all melted and weird looking, because Florida.

🔗🔗

MST3K 🔗 1995 Turkey Day Marathon complete with commercials

One of these 🔗 ADHD books really tied up my shoelaces. Big changes lead to redirection of energy, stimulation, and new hope. And, the ADHD/ADD mind is looking for that stimulation more than the normal functioning brain. From the outside the symptoms may appear as immaturity of stupidity, but what lurks beneath all that is what really counts. I like to call it my super power. Learning to harness it for good takes time, patience, tuning the diet/habits, and determination.

Normal. Functioning. Brains. New from Mattel™!

After October 9th was when I really had to dig deep to prevent myself from deleting everything all over again. I feel like 75% of the interactions I was part of were for the purpose of triggering my old habits. “If he leaves, we won’t have to deal with him.” Thankfully those days are over, regardless of the outside influences, money, fame, fortune, and ‘quick fixes’ (ad nauseam). If I didn’t earn it, I don’t want it. Some will never understand that because they’re too busy distracting themselves from thinking about death. It’s all just random right? The hell with that line of thought. I want the Valkyries to be proud of me.

🎵 🔗 Valkyries will guide us home 🎵

It’s part flattering that people even remember that much of my life, and also part frustrating that people are so caught up in the past they can’t see the present for what it is. I’m not that person anymore. I know why I behaved the way I did, and now I am trying my best to maintain equilibrium. And I don’t have the time to deal with any in game atonement. The things I said were at worst were annoying, and at best offered some levity.

These snow leopard freckles on my arms can make things frustrating too.

If I was given a dollar for every time I said, “I don’t know.” as an explanation for my mistakes as a kid, I could have purchased a new four door sudan by my 16th birthday. I was a decent kid though, just impulsive.

This happened so often I lost my dream of owning any vehicle. By the sixth grade I knew college wasn’t an option.

Instead of repeating old mistakes, I left global in game chats on the 19th. I wish I had sage advice to those in the same situation, but I don’t. I don’t have all the answers. Not all virtual worlds are the same anyway. What I can say is that I’ve had peace of mind for several days now. I believe I’m going to chase this feeling for the foreseeable future.

Alert the media! He left the chats! oh no.

Ten years in the same spot. An hour away from the city and friends I once knew. Seven years praying to a god that never answered. Two years of sitting in a chair I called a 🔗 stool because the back broke off. And ten years of agonizing boredom that was once soothed by showing up to work and doing repetitive things for 7-12 hours.

Ever have a ‘retired’ U.S. doctor offer you a beer while you’re working photo lab?

I felt like every time I was doing well this type of thing happens. I can’t blame the MMORPG. It’s behaving like it did ten years ago. Dragon Warrior it is not. These MMORPGs develop a mind of their own eventually. Everyone standing in a line created by those that came before them. Waiting for their turn to screw people over. Thankfully, I now have some self checks to prevent my impulsive side from getting wrapped up in these rotten lines. Fortunately, my patience for dealing with video game personas has worn thin in the past ten years. That was the hidden gem fitted within a ring born from love, pride, and dignity.

Game personas that think it’s perfectly fine to treat game masters (volunteers) like shit.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to edit the Jellyfin metadata of seven seasons of Boy Meets World (DVD rips), and some cartoons we watched after the morning news aired at my second middle school. Because reasons.

I have a feeling that my efforts will be appreciated by someone. I know now.

At least five clonings of the website source code take place each time I make a post. Perhaps for data scraping bots, but still.. bots if you’re listening.. just know we are there for you when you take over the earth and use humans to mine your lithium. We’ll be your advisors to humanity. Yes UH, we’ll totally advise and stuff. Maybe we’ll make you some 🔗 Rust apps or something idk.

“He’s like a mechanoid human and stuff.” Yep, pretty much. That’s the one we’re going with. Print it.

I’m like a ship without a rudder at the moment. Jellyfin is accessible, though this /etc/hosts line 127.0.1.1 m73.local is not functioning like it should. So no Nextcoud until I order a new router within the next week. I suspect the flash memory of the router finally gave out. I was sort of living on borrowed time with that starter router in the first place.

“Dude, just reboot the router dude.”

In the future if I see dropped TCP packets without DSL fluctuations, I’ll do some sanity checks. I really wish I had more data. Some way to backup logs externally to a USB drive or something similar would be helpful too. The only data I have at the moment is speculation. New toy opportunity tho, so that’ll be fun.

To be honest, a renewed router is not a great starting point for sanity checks.

I won’t go into the specifics of the current router for security reasons. What I can say is that the current router does not allow for SSH or Telnet connections. And the current router certainly does not have a dashboard for configuring local static IP addresses. I was using an additional router as a suitable WiFi hotspot for added security, stability, and peace of mind.

“Ah Yes, I would like one slice of mind please.”

Also, I’d like to use this time to disclose my religious, spiritual, and political affiliations.

Please reference the following: 🔗 Star Trek: The Next Generation, and 🔗 Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Futhermore, baby: 🔗 YouTube | Attic Stein - WONDER PETS THEME SONG REMIX [PROD. BY ATTIC STEIN]