📁 04-23

Totally tonal Toad with his very fine harmonica and red peacoat.

I haven’t had a slice of honest to goodness Italian American pizza in many.. well.. let’s not make this awkward and just say it’s been a minute and leave it at that. All the hype about the new Soup-r Mare-e-o brothers movie reminded me of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! (1989), and the Super Mario Bros. movie (1993). That cartoon and that movie were both cucumbers. Not as bad as those really awful videos of people scaring their cats with zucchinis and cucumbers, but dang. The cartoon Genie of the Lamp wouldn’t even grant a plumber a wish without some coin. And what was going on with those power boots from the movie? The Goombas? The fungus amongus? Sheesh.

When my folks first moved to Florida my Mom worked at a local pizza parlor (it was the 80s..), and the daycare center I stayed at was actually just the kids play place at the restaurant. The owners wanted the restaurant to be ultra kid friendly, so there was a kids area to watch cartoons and play with toys. I think there was a small arcade too? My introduction to pizza in the states was pretty tasty.

I may have some work lined up. I didn’t even need the fancy webcam and my overpriced shirt and tie (glad I have them tho). Hopefully some new projects will be in the works soon-ish rather than later-ish. I don’t feel or act like myself when I feel like I’m not doing my share of the work. It’s a weird catch 22 during interviews.

A guy that once rode his bike 10 miles to work in the Florida heat due to the city buses being unreliable can’t get a job he’s totally qualified for, because he’s ashamed of himself, and that shame shows during his interviews. Whether or not the interviewee reads the mood as shame or not doesn’t matter. The appearance of shame is the appearance of failure. Or in practical terms: two weeks of training waisted. Why wouldn’t they hire a college student? I mean, this gray haired guy doesn’t even have community service on his resume. And wow, the places on his resume don’t even exist anymore. What’s that about? And no references?! Yikes.

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Totally tonal Toad again (Super Mario Bros. 1993)

You know, Maddy Myers has a point. I recently read their Polygon article titled: 1993’s Super Mario Bros. is so much better than the new animated movie. While I don’t have fond memories of this movie from childhood (I have no idea why I missed it tbh), I see what they mean about making an attempt to create a movie that sparks the imagination. The slimy fungus shown on the sets were humanoid mushrooms that were ‘de-evolved’ using the equipment funded by King Koopa. And there were several nods to Mario Bros. lore that I must have missed.

Cucumber is not the word I should have used. I grew up watching 60s-90s creature features, including the original run of Godzilla movies. And I really liked the The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! and the Super Mario Bros. movie. They’re not cucumbers.

Maybe the movie left me a little bitter because of what they did to Toad. At least they gave him a harmonica, and some spikes on his peacoat. Not sure if I’ll ever see the new Super Mario Brothers movie, but I do have a new DVD copy of Super Mario Bros. that I purchased from the Amazon, you know.. for science.

Dwight Schrute: 🔗 The Office - S02E22 - Casino Night | 00:09:18

Probably about time for me to stop typing in this blog for a little while (hours of editing later). At the time of writing this I’m close to the six month mark without cannabis, and I’m at the two year mark of only drinking a few times a year. Right now I wish I could take a walk to clear my head, but a walk would just remind me of all the walking to work I did so many years ago. Memories of mopping up my own soggy tracks from in between the aisles of the retail pharmacy. Besides, in this neighborhood there’s a chance that a middle aged man wobbling on an electric scooter will whizz by and honk at me before I reach the mailbox–though now that I think about it, that does sound somewhat entertaining. Also, in case it wasn’t annoyingly obvious, I am an introverted white man in my late thirties, so I pull more aggro than most other people in this neighborhood. I’m sure it’s clear now why a walk would likely compound my issues into a more tightly wound ball of issues.

Pulling aggro is a reference to heavily armored characters in RPG games that attract the boss monster’s attention

At the moment it’s impossible for me to find joy in filming/producing a video or posting a goofy faced photo of myself to social media. I know the extent of my ‘social influence’, and I know myself, which is to say that it’s not likely to happen anytime soon without the very chemical substances that I’m trying to avoid. That and I’m worried about more than just myself. When I worked the retail side of a small pharmacy, I dreaded being stuck behind a register. Restacking a few hundred 12 packs of soda was a treat for me, because it kept me away from the registers. I bet no one could figure out why I wanted to reorganize shelves in the backroom. Climb the 8ft ladder to grab something from loft storage? Yep, on it.

I think it’s clear that I’m a behind the scenes type of person. This is something I learned about myself right after grade school.

As a person that has gone through a metaphorical tunnel filled with people that behave like vampires and zombies, it’s a real blow to my morale when I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel, and people have the mental wherewithal to say that the light is actually a train hurtling towards me. I see the utility of this train of thought (snort), but damn. I mean–I had to wear vampire and zombie costumes to blend in well enough to reach the areas to climb high enough to see the light in the first place. I think the assumption is that this is a typical train tunnel, with trains chugging along on time hauling cargo and or people. The only train I’ve rode in Florida reminds me of the very nice train from the movie/book Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. In this particular metaphorical tunnel, the engineers have retired, the trains have been decommissioned and sent to museums or moved to another state. There’s also mounds of debris that one has to climb. And believe me, if a train was coming towards me, I’d have my worm hooks ready for me to hitch a ride out (partially joking).

The part about the train tunnel written above was inspired by the book “An Unquiet Mind”, by Kay Redfield Jamison (great book!)

Next up from the shelf is: “Ten Things I Hate About Me”, by Joe Tracini.

What triggered this blog post is that I recently became aware that Dad was once a member of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). He may have mentioned it during a late night ramble–obviously I ramble too–I can’t recall. To be honest, Dad rarely talked about his physical ailments. So, as I was holding the medallions in my hand (oh, I probably should have mentioned that this is how I found out), I realized that right now I am older than he was when he became a member of AA. He had fused vertebrae that the military decided was not caused by his 20+ years of service working in the various Navy galleys of various large ships traversing the variously large oceans. Did I mention that back problems run in the family? Probably from a hereditary reluctance to ’take it easy’. I’ve had my fair share of back sprains, but I never needed the aid of alcohol or weed to ease the pain. So my reasons for consuming were more of a combination of pride, stress testing my brain, and mental relief. For those that need cannabis for pain relief you have my sympathy. I have been a strong supporter of legalization since it was first available as a prescription in the states.

As a kid I did not attend any military balls. Dad may have catered those events though.

When I smoked cannabis, my mind could wander freely without being vigilantly alert of my surroundings. It was as if some trait from a bygone era that kept me mentally prepared for a rogue cave bear to crash through a window was subdued. After a smoking ‘session’ of .25g vaporized cannabis, I could move and edit 3D objects in my mind much like I could with 3D software. Visualizing basic stress testing and simulations of those newly mentally constructed objects (mostly simple designs and simulations) was something I could do as well. I have a very untrained visually motivated mind, and visualizing these things while I’m sober is completely within the realm of possibility, but the mental images are not as vivid, and it’s not something I can do consistently. Another thing of note was a major boost to my self awareness after trying Delta-9 (THC) on my own. For the first time I was able to accurately process how I project my self image, which was eye opening, and was also the source of many headaches. Smoking cannabis is definitely not something I recommend for those with developing brains. I avoided the first opportunity to smoke a joint at the age of 12, and I’m grateful that I had the street smarts to pull that off without drawing too much attention to myself. Appealing to the “Oh ok, more for me” mentality really smooths things over within small concentrated groups.

Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.

What I’ve found that keeps me from splurging on a janky CBD blunt is using that money to buy a book, Blu-ray, DVD or CD. I also think about how much I coughed after smoking CBD extracts (even when vaporized–Delta-9 is not legal in my state..). It helps if the media purchased triggers older memories. Like some kind of double purpose reason to spend a little money on entertainment, and possibly reconnect some neural pathways in the process. Nostalgia I suppose is natural for most people in their thirties anyway. My reasoning behind buying tangible media is that I might not remember the triggering moment or the connection of that moment paired to a certain movie (like a Blu-ray copy of Ghostbusters: Afterlife), but I can look at a shelf and see my sobriety represented as a media collection. Which might seem dorky, but I’m ok with that.

Double Purpose Reason is either a totally for real new dance move or a totally for real new band name.

While these purchases may seem like a redirect of impulse buys (at the moment my underpants are held together by safety pins), if I keep my media purchases inline with only my strongest desires to buy a blunt, or a 48pk (or a handle of something–I was raised German American), I can avoid going over my entertainment budget. Which I realize for some may be easier said than done. I guess my tolerance never went beyond 1g a day. For that and too many other reasons to list, I am very fortunate. The isometric layout of the situation should make it clear that I’m also investing in something for the future. Sure they’re just micro investments, but they add up to a tremendous entertainment value.

Isometric layout is a reference to isometric style video games like Bastion, Path of Exile, and Diablo.

Next to me is a workstation computer with the added benefit of streaming media rips on the local network (via 🔗 Jellyfin). That’s another factor in my preference for physical media. As soon as it’s out of the shipping packaging, I clean the media if it’s used, then I rip it to the server. No ads, no subscription costs, and the software never forgets where I left off, because that’s a feature of Jellyfin. As a testament of my tendency to be overly prepared for things, the server runs off a very large uninterruptible power supply (~45 minutes of battery life), so temporary power outages are not a problem. I’m stoked to have nearly completed the collection of Star Wars Blu-rays. Next up is completing the Studio Ghibli, and Pixar Blu-ray collections (just a few left to collect).

Sometimes it’s wise to look back just to see how far you’ve traveled. Plus, gotta catch them all right?

Since my drug of choice was cannabis, the trade offs were rather low (!–the trade offs are exponentially worse for adolescents–!), but the trade offs for adults have a tendency to compound over time. The more memories I developed under the influence, the fewer I could recall while sober. I have a difficult time believing that cannabis is a legitimate cause of memory loss for adults (brain damage). Well, I mean, unless a person is smoking 3g or more a day. At that level of cannabis consumption, the amount of carcinogens being inhaled from the combustion of plant material might be something to consider as well. While I’m on the subject of smoking methods, bongs don’t filter out the harmful chemicals 🔗 Healthline.com | Demystifying the Bong), so ah–well they look pretty anyway. I think something random like working as an A/C mechanic in Florida attics in the summer is more likely to cause memory loss. From my own personal experience, it was difficult for me to retrieve a memory when it was formed while in an altered mental state, unless I was in the same altered mental state while attempting to access that memory. I like to think that my memories were simply misplaced. Like a media remote that for one reason or another moves itself to odd places in the living room (like behind the couch).

This metaphorical remote is also my phone, which makes misplacing it even more daunting.

For the reasons listed above, and potentially needing to drive somewhere at any moment for any purpose are the reasons why I decided it was time to quit. Not to mention, smoking cannabis for escapism instead of pain relief, or drinking every night, is kind of like putting money in a pile and setting the money on fire. Instead of burning my pile of money, I now have to figure out what shelving to build for all this media that is sure to never go out of style. I’ve been meaning to find an excuss to try out Japanese pull saws, and well cared for shelving would be excuse number two.

Articles on long term use of cannabis: 🔗 CDC, 🔗 NIH, 🔗 Heathline.com, 🔗 CNN